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“I feel like Mr. Darcy,” says Bigfoot | Fletcher's Blog

Real Questions from Fans

By Fletcher Jain

Dear Fletch,

Is Bigfoot real? My mother wants me and my sister to travel with her to Oregon to search for Bigfoot. I don’t want anything to do with that awful creature. Can you help? -- Elizabeth B.

Fletch says:

You will be pleased to know that scientists from the Travel Channel are presently on a Bigfoot expedition in Pemberly Woods, Oregon. They discovered that "Bigfoot can render humans sick by emoting infrasound." Infrasound, by the way, is a low-frequency sound that causes incapacitation, disorientation, and scientists to have screwball theories.

While the Travel Channel team combs the woods, UFORB’s (UFO Research Bureau's) Dr. William Collins chatted with BigFoot in an exclusive interview. Dr. Collins allowed me to post this preview of the full interview, which is still in peer review.

Dr. Collins: Mr. Foot, have you tried the impossible burger?
BigFoot: I’m vegan . . . been a vegan since before it was cool. I love the burger, but I seriously wonder about the chemicals.
Dr. Collins: Big, may I call you Big? How is the dating scene in Oregon?
BigFoot: I’m not into internet dating, and, maybe it’s me, but when my friends keep saying, "BigFoot has a nice personality and is a great dancer," it feels like a bit of an insult. Am I right?
Dr. Collins: Why do you think the Geico Caveman is so popular and you are not?
BigFoot: I hate that guy. People say, "Oh, sincerity can be read on his face," and "he is "beyond all comparison, the most agreeable man I ever saw." For crying out loud, he's a caveman. “Sometimes, I feel like Mr. Darcy.”

The rest of the interview is coming soon. In the meantime, the Travel Channel scientist plan to lure Bigfoot out. So, Elizabeth, you can tour Pemberly Woods, Oregon without worrying that he might be there.

Write to Fletch at with your questions about strange phenomena.

See Travel Channel, Expedition Bigfoot (

Bonnie Worth &Jim Nelson, Looking for Bigfoot (Step into Reading)(Paperback)(Young readers).

Image Source: Wikipedia CC0 (background added).

Fletcher Jain is a fictional character in Druids are from OuterSpace, Aliens are from England. Get your copy today.

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